If you’re inclined to believe adidas’s marketing department, their new generation of Predator® boots will give you “absolute power and control”. They’ll also set you back a hundred and thirty quid.
It’s money well spent though. In addition to enhancing your on-the-ball prowess, go to the park and the boots will mark you out for roughhouse treatment from less sophisticated socceristas. And if the hackers don’t get you, the animal rights activists will: the boot’s technical specifications don’t mention whether they’re made from kangaroo leather, but it’s been the material of choice for Predators® in the past. There’ll always be that nagging doubt that you’ve got Skippy on your feet - are you running across the pitch or bouncing on it?
I’m here to tell you that marsupial massacre is totally unnecessary, and - shock horror - so are football boots.
The video clip that accompanies this spiel is from a match between Hellas Verona FC and Juventus FC, played during the 1984-85 Serie A season. It won’t be featuring in adidas commercials any time soon.
The player galloping down the left wing is Preben Elkjær. The great Danish striker sheds a hoof during the run, but he still manages to make his way into the area, where he scores with his bootless right foot.
The goal sent Verona on the way to a 2-0 win and the first Scudetto in their history.
If you leaf back through enough newsprint, you’ll discover that Liverpool’s Phil Babb was a popular tabloid target in the late nineties. The defender’s extra-curricular activities with glamour model Jo Guest were scrutinised for the public good. “My Extra-Time Loving Ruined Phil’s Ball Control,” announced the News of the World headline. What an ego that girl has! Scousers may care to remember that Phil’s ball control wasn’t up to much before his front page fling. Guest shouldn’t be taking credit for destroying the Irishman’s touch so much as making it worse than it was in the first place!
Babb has long since disappeared from the tabloid gaze. It would normally be impossible say why the newspapers decide to look elsewhere, but I’d be prepared to guess that this incident against Chelsea in ‘98 had something to do with it. A goal line clearance gone wrong and an end to “extra-time loving”. There’s no shame in averting your eyes. In fact, no-one will think any less of you if you want to shed a tear and cradle yourself. Unless of course you’re in an Internet cafe…
A triumphant Liverpool left Cardiff yesterday as the victors in world football’s grandest warm-up match: the FA Community Shield. Despite lining up against a Chelsea side which featured the shiniest new playthings from Abramovich’s toy box, Liverpool managed to put the Blues to the sword by a 2-1 scoreline. Peter Crouch delivered the fatal cut and thrust with a header from inside the six yard box.
There was a familiar aspect to Crouch’s winning goal. During the World Cup, the improbably large striker scored for England in the group match against Trinidad and Tobago. That was also headed goal from inside the six yard box. I don’t know about you, but I can see a pattern developing…
At first glance, Crouch’s effort against the Caribbean islanders looks like another soporific close-range finish. However, the embedded slow motion replay from German television reveals an exciting twist - a twist that nearly decapitated Brent Sancho.
The Gallic equivalent of a Glasgow kiss is - unfortunately for Marco Materazzi - not a French kiss, but un coupe de boule - a headbutt. Zinedine Zidane’s now infamous assault on Materazzi is the inspiration behind this musical tour de force.
Coup de Boule was penned by three colleagues from La Plage Records in Paris. The company’s bread and butter is advertising jingles, but Zidane inspired them to loftier purposes. The track is available in French and Spanish.
It was written to entertain the composers’ army of idle media friends. Against all expectations it became an overnight success, initially propagated through the Internet, but now distributed in twenty different countries by more conventional means. You can even download a ringtone for your mobile. Who says foreign music is inaccessible?
If you’re inclined to believe adidas’s marketing department, their new generation of Predator® boots will give you “absolute power and control”. They’ll also set you back a hundred and thirty quid.