Garrincha’s Dog

If you’re inclined to believe adidas’s marketing department, their new generation of Predator® boots will give you “absolute power and control”. They’ll also set you back a hundred and thirty quid.

It’s money well spent though. In addition to enhancing your on-the-ball prowess, go to the park and the boots will mark you out for roughhouse treatment from less sophisticated socceristas. And if the hackers don’t get you, the animal rights activists will: the boot’s technical specifications don’t mention whether they’re made from kangaroo leather, but it’s been the material of choice for Predators® in the past. There’ll always be that nagging doubt that you’ve got Skippy on your feet - are you running across the pitch or bouncing on it?

I’m here to tell you that marsupial massacre is totally unnecessary, and - shock horror - so are football boots.

The video clip that accompanies this spiel is from a match between Hellas Verona FC and Juventus FC, played during the 1984-85 Serie A season. It won’t be featuring in adidas commercials any time soon.

The player galloping down the left wing is Preben Elkjær. The great Danish striker sheds a hoof during the run, but he still manages to make his way into the area, where he scores with his bootless right foot.

The goal sent Verona on the way to a 2-0 win and the first Scudetto in their history.

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World Cup-weary tourists trying to flee German territory will have to negotiate this monster before they reach the sanctuary of Munich airport. Adidas has spawned a sixty-five metre long Oliver Kahn in the name of advertising. The image of the less-than-photogenic keeper is supported on a framework of scaffolding which straddles the autobahn.

One can only assume that the adidas executives who decided to plump for Kahn were also in need of support when they discovered that he was destined to spend the World Cup on the sidelines. On 7th April, Jürgen Klinsmann, the manager of the German national team, announced that Arsenal’s Jens Lehmann would wear the number one jersey on the world stage.

The action image of Kahn diving for the ball doesn’t really seem appropriate when he isn’t likely to take his tracksuit off during the tournament. Of course, you can’t get four lanes of traffic between the legs of a man sitting on the bench.

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